Dear Mom and Dad,
Thanks again for letting your grandchildren spend the night with you tonight. Having them out of my hair tonight will give me more time to cook and clean for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I can’t wait to deep clean the floor under the stove and make a pumpkin pie completely from scratch. I may even dust the baseboards!
Dammit. I can’t write this with a straight face. Guys, I have no plans to clean tonight. Or really even cook. Honestly, Patrick and I haven’t had a night alone together in three years and we had to go to Canada to make that happen. Travel restrictions being what they are, I’m hella pumped that a sleepover with your grandkids is happening. You’re the real MVP.
No, tonight Patrick and I plan on eating sushi in our underwear while watching non-Disney movies until midnight. YOLO, am I right? And if things work out, we may even–
Hang on. I’m gonna use a euphemism because you are my parents and I don’t want you to gag.
Patrick and I may even do our taxes tonight. Who knows? We’re youngish, in love, and it’s rare we get to do the taxes with no kids in the house. We’ll be able to take our time and find every deduction owed to us. We’ll make sure every form is completely filled out. We can do our taxes as loud as we want.. Hell, if I can hydrate Patrick enough, we may do our taxes TWICE. No promises though. We’re both out of shape.
The point is, we want to thank you guys for watching the kids. It means a lot to us. Just a few quick pointers:
* The 16 year old’s phone DOES remove from her hands. Just grip the phone firmly and pull. She’ll look confused for a few minutes but will come around.
* You should cut off all liquids after 6pm for the boys or your guest bedroom will look like Florida Everglades in the morning: wet and muggy. Tell them they have to go potty before they get into bed or Santa will bring them bricks for Christmas. I read that tip in a parenting book once.
* Don’t call us. Hahaha, just kidding. Of course you should call us. But we won’t answer.
Enjoy this time with your grandchildren. Feed them junk food and then act surprised when they are visibly vibrating at 2 am. Let them get grubby and muddy. Believe them when they lie through their teeth and say I don’t make them eat vegetables. Have fun. Snuggle them.
Love, your daughter